“Mostly you.”

I folded my arms.

“That is not reassuring.”

“I know.”

“We’ve spent twelve years deciding everything together.”

“Not everything.”

“Name one thing.”

He thought for several seconds.

“The green paint in the downstairs bathroom.”

“You admitted that was a mistake.”

“Eventually.”

Despite myself, I smiled.

Then he reached for my hand.

“Please trust me enough to let me handle this.”

I wanted to argue.

Instead, I nodded and walked into the hallway.

I sat alone beneath fluorescent lights for nearly half an hour while my husband arranged something I was apparently not supposed to understand yet.

Nathan passed quietly on a rainy Tuesday morning.

There was no great final speech, nothing polished enough for a movie.

I sat beside him with one hand in his and the other resting on Clara.

Rain tapped against the window.

Nathan opened his eyes once and looked at my stomach.

Then at me.

His fingers tightened faintly around mine.

That was enough.

Afterward came paperwork and signatures and careful explanations from the donation coordinators.

Every time someone asked whether donation reflected Nathan’s own wishes, I gave the same answer.

“Yes. Absolutely.”

My voice trembled, but the answer never did.

Nathan had chosen.

My job was simply to honor him.

Then Dr. Hale stopped me in the hallway and handed me the envelope.

That night, I placed it on our kitchen table.

For nearly two hours, I walked past it without touching it.

Finally, I opened it.

Inside were a short handwritten note and a small flash drive.

The note said:

Don’t watch this only because you miss me.

Watch it if someone ever makes you question what I wanted.

More importantly, watch it if anyone makes you question yourself.

I stared at Nathan’s handwriting.

Then I looked at his empty chair.

“You are unbelievably irritating.”

Clara kicked beneath my ribs.

I looked down.

“Yes, your father is apparently still giving instructions.”

Another kick.

“I agree. Very rude.”

I put the drive in my desk drawer.

I was not ready.

When Grief Needed a Villain

Eleanor came to the house two days later.

I found her standing inside Clara’s nursery, folding a blanket that had already been folded perfectly.

She did not turn when I entered.

“Did they take everything?”

I knew immediately what she meant.

“Only what could actually help someone.”

Her hands tightened around the blanket.

“And you’re comfortable with that?”

I stared at her.

“Comfortable?”

She finally faced me.

“Parts of my son are going to people I will never meet.”

“Nathan chose that.”

“And you approved it.”

“I honored it.”

Her eyes flashed.

“You make it sound so simple.”

“Nothing about this is simple.”

“You seem very certain.”

My temper rose.

“Would you prefer that I ignore something he clearly asked for?”

Her face crumpled.

“You don’t understand what this feels like.”

“You’re right. I don’t.”

Then Eleanor’s gaze dropped to my stomach.

Her expression changed.

“You still have part of him.”

My hand moved instinctively over Clara.

“Don’t.”

She looked at me.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t make my daughter responsible for this.”

Eleanor left soon afterward.

I told myself she was hurting.

I told myself she had lost her only son.

I told myself compassion sometimes meant allowing people to say things they did not truly mean.

Then came Nathan’s memorial service.

Near the end of the afternoon, one of Nathan’s relatives approached and told me how generous his donor decision had been.

Before I could answer, Eleanor spoke from behind us.

“Generous?”

The room seemed to quiet.

She looked directly at me.

“My son could barely cross a room during those last weeks, and everyone expects me to believe he was calmly making all these decisions?”

My chest tightened.

“He was.”

“According to you.”

Several people looked away.

I could have argued.

Instead, I said quietly:

“This day is about Nathan. I’m not fighting with you here.”

I walked away.

At the time, I thought silence was dignity.

Later, I understood that silence sometimes creates a space other people rush to fill.

Before I left, Nathan’s aunt approached me.

“Emily, can I ask you something?”

I already knew.

“Go ahead.”

She hesitated.

“Toward the end, was Nathan taking anything that might have affected how clearly he was thinking?”

I stared at her.

“Why?”

She looked uncomfortable.

“Eleanor wondered whether perhaps he wasn’t fully himself when he signed everything.”

My face grew hot.

“You’re asking whether I pushed my husband into something he didn’t understand.”

“I’m not saying that.”

“You don’t have to.”

That night, after everyone left, I walked into Clara’s nursery.

I opened my laptop.

Then I took the flash drive from the desk.

Nathan’s Last Argument

Nathan appeared on my screen.

He looked thinner than the man my memory kept showing me.

His shoulders were smaller. His skin had lost its color. Yet when he looked into the camera, his eyes were unmistakably Nathan’s.

Then he spoke.

“If you opened this because you miss me, turn it off.”

I covered my mouth as a laugh escaped through my tears.

“You cannot be serious.”

On the screen, Nathan shifted in his chair.

“I mean it, Em.”

Then his expression became serious.

“My mother has asked me several times not to be a donor.”

I leaned closer.

“Recently she started asking whether this was really my choice or whether you encouraged it.”

My stomach tightened.

Nathan drew a slow breath.

“I told her the truth. The choice is mine.”

He paused.

“I understand why she hates it. She loves me. The idea that something from me might help strangers feels unbearable to her.”

His eyes remained fixed on the camera.

“But being heartbroken does not give anyone permission to turn you into the bad person in my story.”

I stopped breathing for a second.

“Do not protect my memory by allowing people to mistreat you.”

Tears slid down my face.

Then he said:

“And do not let Clara grow up believing her father was too weak or too confused to make his own decisions.”

I paused the video.

The nursery became silent except for the hum of the baby monitor we had installed months too early.

“You knew.”

Anger rose beneath my grief.

“You knew she might do this.”

I stood and pressed one hand against my lower back.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

For the first time since losing Nathan, I allowed myself to be angry with him.

It felt almost disloyal.

Then I realized something important.

Loving someone after they are gone does not require turning them into a saint.

Nathan had still been Nathan.

Protective.

Stubborn.

Wonderful.

Infuriating.

He had tried to spare me from something I would have preferred to face beside him.

Two days later, Eleanor came to my house carrying a hand-embroidered baby blanket.

She sat in my living room and studied my stomach.

“I’ve been thinking about the baby’s name.”

I looked at her.

“Nathan and I already chose it.”

“She should carry his name somehow.”

“Her name is Clara June Bennett.”

“Maybe Nathan as a middle name.”

“No.”

Eleanor blinked.

“He would want her to have something from him.”

“She does have something from him. He is her father.”

Eleanor’s mouth tightened.

“Nathan told me he was reconsidering the name.”

I knew immediately that it was not true.

“No, he didn’t.”

“You were not part of every conversation he had.”

The sentence hurt because there was some truth inside it.

Nathan had kept things from me.

The video proved that.

But a true fact used to support a false claim remained unfair.

I stood.

“Go home, Eleanor.”

Her eyes widened.

“Excuse me?”

“I said go home.”

“Emily—”